INCEST: MEN ARE SURVIVORS TOO

Twenty-five percent (25%) of sexually abused youngsters coming into hospitals are boys. Thirty to forty-six percent (30-46%) of all children are sexually assaulted in some way before reaching the age of eighteen. Incest has been identified as “the best kept secret”, because most survivors and their families have not talked about the fact that it exists. If you are a male, you still could have been a victim of incest . . . intercourse does not have to occur to constitute sexual abuse.

We define incest, as does Incest Survivors Anonymous (a self-help group located in California) as:

A betrayal of trust in overt and covert sexual contact, or act which possibly includes: touching or non-touching, verbal seduction or abuse, intercourse, sodomy, anal intercourse, direct threats, implied threats, or other forms of abuse between people who are closely related or perceive themselves to be closely related or in whom the child perceives trust . . . When the trust between a child and an older child, sibling, parent, parent figure, or any other adult is violated, that act becomes incestuous. The child’s age may range from newborn, preschool, school age, teenager, and older.

The cost of silence for many male survivors is high. Incestuous events from childhood and adolescence often continue to influence survivors in their adult lives. Listed below are some of the effects that can occur:

  • Hostility and aggressiveness toward loved ones
  • Feelings of guilt and self-blame
  • Fear of angry people and personal criticism
  • Sexual dysfunction and other problems in sexual relations
  • Suspiciousness of other people’s intentions
  • Unexplained fears
  • Depression
  • Low self-esteem
  • Isolation and fear of people and authority figures
  • Difficulty “feeling” or expressing feelings to others
  • Thoughts of abusing one’s own children
  • Difficulty forming and maintaining close relationships
  • Alcoholism and drug abuse
  • Passive/aggressive behavior
  • Inappropriate ways of handling ones’ own anger

Incestuous experiences are often particularly difficult for men to talk about, but talking helps. Support groups provide an opportunity for you to share, in strictest confidence, your feelings and experiences with others who understand because they’ve lived through it too. Join a Men’s Incest Support Group, and begin healing by building strength through sharing.

Adapted from Ravenswood Hospital’s Consultation & Education Dept.