LONG TERM EFFECTS OF INCEST VICTIMS
Or VICTIMS OF CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE

I. Incest victims are deprived of experiencing nonsexual relationships with members of the perpetrator’s gender.

A. Childhood sexual abuse victims relate to men/women the same way they related to their perpetrator. If they had a sexual, non-communicating relationship with their perpetrator, that is how they will relate to other members of that same gender.

B. Incest victims do not know how to relate to members of the abuser’s gender who are non-sexual or not abusive towards them.

C. Incest victims set up situations so that they will be treated the same way their abuser treated them . . . by picking sick men/women who demand sex and who are feared . . . a man/woman with whom the incest victim cannot get close and intimate.

D. Incest victims often have no close relationships with members of the extended family who are the same gender as the abuser. They often project that they will be sexual with them like the abuser.

E. The victim tends to see themselves as sex objects.

1. They learn manipulating actions; learning to use sex as a trade for extra favors.

2. Seeing themselves as sex objects affects relationships with other members of their own gender, whom they also see as sex objects with limited worth. Victims often feel contempt for others of their own gender; they may also feel competitive with them.

F. The incest experience reinforces generalizations like “all men/women are animals”, “they only want one thing”, and the victim often becomes cynical & defensive.

II. Incest victims experience guilt and shame as a result of the incestuous experiences.

A. “I am bad” . . . the shame experienced is a result of learning society’s shock and disapproval (incest is taboo). Victims also have their own feelings of, “something’s wrong”.

B. “I am crazy” the result of other family members being seen as uninvolved; she/he was the one picked.

C. Feeling guilt & shame for:

1. taking dad from mom . . .
2. taking mom from dad . . .
3. the possibility of being found out . . .
4. not stopping the abuse . . .
5. “destroying the family” . . .
6. feeling confused:
“If it’s wrong, why is it happening “If it is ok, why do I feel bad?”

D. Feeling guilt & shame as a result of receiving gratification from various aspects, such as:

1. receiving: more attention, extra money, special favors and good erotic feelings
2. being: “the ”good child” in the family

E. Because of the abusers’ jealousy and over-possessiveness, victims often feel guilty for having other relationships with men and/or women. They feel that other relationships must be bad; therefore victims believe that they themselves are bad.

F. Most incest victims get more discipline; usually in the form of groundings to home
(presenting more of a chance for the parent to be sexual), due to his/her possessiveness.

III. Victims experience great anger at being incested.

A. Victims feel exploited and used, dependent and powerless. How does one say, “no”, to Dad, Mother, Brother, Sister, Uncle, Aunt, Grandparent, etc.?

B. A child’s need for affection is normal, natural and healthy. Perpetrators exploit that need, which then turns into sexual-anger because their normal, natural, healthy need for affection was perverted by someone the child trusted to do them no harm.

C. The opportunity to develop the right to give permission for sexual enjoyment is severely impaired. The ability to give or withhold permission is fundamental in the development of mature sexuality.

D. Victims experience anger at mother/father for not protecting them.

E. Victims experience anger at themselves for having the need to be nurtured by father, mother, brother, sister, uncle, aunt, etc. and ignorance of how a father, mother, brother, sister, uncle, aunt, etc. gives healthy nurture.

F. Incest victims experience anger at not knowing how to relate to others outside of their family. They often stay separate and somewhat isolated from others.

IV. Other residual effects:

A. Difficulty in differentiating often follows a traumatic event. ( ALL men are daddy or an abuser).

B. Sex is secretive, bad, shrouded in the abuser’s demand, “don’t tell”.

C. Fear of being sexual or “asexual”.

D. Fear of never getting beyond the pain and shame of incest.

E. Aloneness: won’t let others meet the needs that parents did not fulfill.

F. Fear of whole family’s craziness.

G. Fear that the incest really was their fault and that they could have stopped it, or stopped it sooner.

H. Feeling that THEY are bad because they did not, or could not, stop the incestuous abuse.